loop-de-loops on the roller coaster of life

“Expect the unexpected.”  That’s what we’ve always said about adoption.  Twists, turns, unexpected events.  It’s the norm.  Good, bad, and ugly.

As most of you know, our path to growing a family has been a bit adventuresome to say the least.  We’ve gone through several adoption venues and most recently have been in the process of adopting twin toddler boys from Ethiopia.  Through all of the ups and downs, we’ve had an extraordinary sense of peace that God is in control.  Something we’re very thankful for, as we’ve often times felt very out of control.

In our last attempt for adoption, three years into our dreams of little African boys, last year we began hearing dates of October, December, January, February… you get the picture.

While we know all things work out in the end, we have been frustrated by the constant delays and confused by the immediate medical needs of the boys, our picture of what God should want for our lives, and the current state of our personal world.  

Earlier this year, as I was looking at pictures of the boys and thinking about the future of our 7 year old foster girl, I began to pray with a deeper sense of urgency.  I prayed for wisdom, for direction.  I prayed for divine intervention.  Most of all, I prayed that whatever was going to happen, would happen quickly — for the long-range protection of the children.

Almost immediately the cogs began spinning.  In February, we were told it had all come together; within forty days or so, we would be the legal parents of rugrats.  We began making travel plans, securing a motorcycle tour for Toby and locating museums for myself.  

I got the first twinge in early March.  I woke up and told Toby that the boys weren’t coming home.  “Nonsense,” he said.  “Don’t speak like that.  You’re looking at the past again, we need to look forward.”  But, I knew.

A week later, he woke up with the same feeling.

The next week, we got the call that sealed the deal.  As difficult as it to write this, the adoption from Ethiopia is over.  We are devastated.  

But, the loop-de-loop wasn’t over.

The next day, we got a call that OCS had switched directions, and our foster daughter (in our home for over a year) was being quickly reunited with her biological mother.

I could barely catch my breath.  Much less think, communicate pleasantly, or write.  

Slowly, I’m starting over.  I have a beautiful, pink, girly room (complete with fairies, butterflies, and ballerinas) to reclaim, and a closet full of baby boy clothes to sell.  The cribs and toys are going on Craigslist and I’m giving away the boxes of diapers.

Our social worker has set us up to foster two more wonderful boys in the system.  They’re 8 and 10.  She says we might adopt them.  They love our dog.  We love their smiles.  

It could happen.  

Only God knows.

In the meantime, I continue the ride; reaching for my lap bar hoping that I’m securely fastened in tight.  There’s not much else I can do.

This is our life, this roller coaster.  This is how we live.  Gasping for breath.  Loving the view from the top.  Throwing our hands in the air as we whip around corners.  And screaming for joy and horror as we fly up and down, and around, and back up again.