As this is the Spring season, recently I’ve had the obligation, er… opportunity, to attend several women’s retreats. While these gatherings are often promoted as times of refreshing, I often walk away feeling exhausted, empty, and alone.
Over the years, I’ve gone to many flavors of these meetings: small local seminars, large 20,000 woman gatherings, and international live-webcasts. I’ve attended conferences for Women of Faith, Beth Moore, and John Maxwell’s National Women in Ministry Convention. I’ve gone to denomination-specific meetings at national and local levels. I’ve endured retreats in small, wooded cabins and ginormous meetings in stadiums.
And each time, I walk away frustrated.
Within the last month, I’ve attended two such events. One was a local church sponsored conference with a national best-selling author/speaker. The sessions were well-coordinated and the speaker was superbly articulate. But, God’s spirit was missing.
The other was a state-wide gathering of spirit-led women. While the spirit of God was definitely present, at times it felt coaxed and manufactured. The session topics were diverse, but the speakers seemed hodge-podged and disconnected with my needs.
Over the past week, I’ve been analyzing my torn thoughts. While I believe there is a need for women to connect with others and their amazing God, I seldom receive what I long for in these gatherings. Perhaps I’m different from most women, but I don’t connect with quaint stories about children and I don’t like cheesy anecdotes about marriage and becoming June Cleaver.
And, although I recognize the need for God to transform women’s hearts, I long for gatherings passing on the usual emotional frenzy and offering more intellectual study of scripture. While the high of congregational worship lifts my spirit for a time, it’s the core of study that provides me with the substantial foundation I need to survive.
Today, I found a great article on the Emerging Women blog that perfectly illustrated my internal battle.
How do you feel about women’s ministry and/or retreats? What do you hope to get from them? When you leave, what do you feel you’ve gained? What do you feel you missed? How would you design them, if you were in charge?
Wow, your thoughts here really resonate with my own feelings and experiences. I’ll tell you… I am over retreats. Been there, done that. Unless it’s a small, intimate group of dear friends who really know me and are spiritual mentors I’m just not going to dedicate valuable time to a retreat/conference/stadium gatherings. When I gather with women I want to be in the Word, studying and praying. Iron sharpening iron.
This past year I’ve been serving on a committee within our church specifically dedicated to seeking out a purposeful direction for the “women’s ministry.” Through our study and prayer the conclusions that we’re drawing are that the most meaningful aspects of the ministry are mentoring-type relationships and outreach. I’m a firm believer that it’s the strong relationships, built over time, women investing in each others’ lives that are the core of women’s ministry and I believe the Bible reflects this.
ellen, I’ve always known that we share similar heartbeats =) I know we’ve had these discussions before, and been heartbroken about what always seems to be missing in these meetings…
I have no doubt you will champion something great for us women as you chart new paths in ministry. I am one of your biggest fans! God has ordained you for something great, I know.
jaime
1) I feel WMs are very much needed 2)I guess I used to think or hope someting life changing (me changing ) would happen at a retreat..but since that has never happened ,I hope to have fellowship with the ladies….feel God’s presence 3) I usually gain tremendous fatigue and a sugar hang over.4) If I designed them ? I would include the things that I have enjoyed in previous retreats …Small scale ,close to nature but with all the luxuries of home …running water ,heat ,air ,indoor bathroom ,Hot showers!….Good food but no over load on junk .Quiet time to walk , meditate and pray …Small group prayer always blesses me directly or seeing some one else being blessed…Worship howevver that unfolds..Faceing the hard issues in light of God’s word….Issues that may not bring warm fuzzies but conviction to our lives . So much of what we need …EVERY THING we need has to come from the work of the Holy Spirit ..So seeking God in prayer with the ladies involved in planning must be a priority ….I’ve been involve in women’s ministry leadership at two different churches ..Each uniquely different but one thing that was the same at each ,the team developed a relationship with each other that never would have happen other wise …
Hi Ellen. I’ve just discovered your writing tonight… what a breath of fresh air. Thank you!
Women’s Retreats are … nice. Life changing… probably not. Is that even possible? I think not likely.
A little dose of cynicism … We have the opportunity to change our lives each day, each moment. If it doesn’t happen in the moments and days, the event probably isn’t going to do it either… at least not for very long. I’m relating to ModGirl… I want relationship, not hype. With both other women, as well as God.
Perhaps there’s a place for women’s retreat’s … but I’m voting for more challenging relationships that challenge me to grow and change DAILY.
We formed a women’s small group at our church last fall, using the ‘Captivating’ material. It was a small group, and the blessing of intimately getting to know women I would not have otherwise had the chance to interact with on that level was amazing. I would recommend more women’s small groups…. not more retreats and seminars.